Not an easy Month

This has been a roller coaster of emotions,  probably made more dramatic with the reality of my own diagnosis in the background.  the highs higher and the lows,  well, you get it.

David E. Anderson Sr.

My perspective is MY perspective, we all have our own.  The loss of David resonates with me on many different levels.  During the funeral times, I was mostly focused on the boys and their reactions,  trying to be there for them when needed but let the grieve together and alone.  Then I identified with the loss, thinking about my own diagnosis five weeks after his,  the parallel that aren't parallel.  But similarities make me aware on a much different scale.  And then came the whammy of having to deal with my own grief with the loss I was married to, had children with, and lived the better part of my life.  I, too, feel a hole in my heart and a blank space where there always was a supportive partner.

I am working through these emotions, they will not be dealt with easily, nor should they be.  The boys are having their own transitions and concerns which I am not able to patch and make better!  Mother's instincts don't die, but I am doing my best.

And then,  three weeks later, as a total surprise, my dear friends, Christina and Gil Ahrens became my dear friend Christina.  One moment laughing and planning for the future, the next,  Gil was gone.

Gil Ahrens

Emotionally, these events have taken a toll on my psyche and perhaps my physical well being, for the moment.  The strength of a positive attitude is clear.  My last visit to the Doctor resulted in a recommendation for a chest X-ray to check for pneumonia - which turned out NOT to be there,  and a cessation of my Chemo for a week because the white blood cell count was low.

I need to bring back the positive power and get those white cells up!  I can do it, and will.  It's just so easy to fall into a pit of sadness.

Chocolate splurge on our "getaway"

I am very blessed with good friends who care, a husband who has great patience with me and keeps me busy doing some pretty fun things.  He is my strength and rock when I need it.  Although he doesn't understand some of sensitivities and over thinking of things,  he allows it,  which is all I could hope for.   Between these two sadnesses,  we were able to get away and have some glorious adventures.