Considerations

I am doing so well right now, that I can pull off  that I am to sick.  Celebrations!  I know how fortunate I am as I reach out to others at different points along their Journey.  I have two new friends who are suffering very badly and the news does not look good.  I ache for them and can do little but drive, answer the phone, visits,  share stories.  Any suggestions would be helpful as well as ways to deal with the sadness.

My own situation is much better but there are issues.  On the Barge trip we all enjoyed ourselves.  I have been frustrated with my inability to retrieve words and keep my mind on a single chain ofthought.  I also an still woobly and my footing is not as assured.  Every now and then I have to take an extra step or two.  These are things I need to live with and will.  The question is, should I be open about my situation or not.

On the barge trip all these things were going on.  I mentioned to a couple of people a little of the situation but not to the people who were in charge - taking us around.  I really don’t want to sound like whining - just getting info across.  No need for special treatment.  At the end of trip, our guide asked us if we would book another.  I hastily said “yes” but then mentioned we can’t book anything too far in advance - we are back to the three month window.  They often book up a year ahead.  I asked if he’d keep us informed!ds

He thought for a few minutes and realized the truth of what I was saying.  He apologized for keeping totally oblivious to my situation,  and then said after a pause,  but there were signs.

Thinking back over the tours and walks we took, even time on the boat... it would be quite plausible for him the think I was drunk!   He was relieved to hear the whole story.

So the conundrum is - I wish to be taken by new people as a normal person they may know for ten more years if we so choose.

I don’t seek sympathy or advice regarding my illness,  I am in the hands of some great doctors. I will list if there is something they are moved to talk about.

I want to be free to mention where I am when it is pretinent to the conversation. But only to present the paradigm changes brought on by the cancer.

Not everyone needs to know - nor do they need to judge what they don’t know....  true for us all in many situations.

My disease is a true part of who I am today.  I have a great appreciation for each moment, each friend, each adventure I am lucky enough to enjoy.  I want to go through this with authenticity and honesty but not burden friends.

Any thoughts?  Your input is always helpful!  Thanks for reading my ramblings.