Monday, May 23, 2016

Mixed messages


First - a report on thee DAFFODILS


 The daffodils were all out in full bloom around the house.... Successful conclusion of my efforts in the Fall.







And a report on the HONEYMOON

A marvelous trip to Southern France barging near Toulouse! Simply marvelous. Four guests and four in staff... A very personal trip. Thank you Dale and Doug Bruce for letting us know about this opportunity! That was the week of April 30th to May 8th.  Aboard the Rosa with Captain/owner cook Dominique backed up by Elissa, Adele, and Pierre.



We were two of four passengers (usually there are 8 but it was early in the season).

These guys took amazing care of us.    Adele, Elissa, Dominique and Pierre.

Every day we had a short tour of something in the morning to return to the barge for lunch on deck...cruising, and then a gourmet dinner!   Wine pairing and amazing food. 

Many locks to pass through and an aqua passage - bridge over another river!   

Canal was lined with Plane trees.  



A little bit of heaven during thin the south of France.


We returned home and I had another week of feeling well before another chemo session.   I feel so great before the treatments.... I start to dread the next chemo....however...it is keeping me here!   I'll keep at it.


And then the MIXED MESSAGES

Last Friday I had a good visit with my doctor.. He, as always, asked me about many possible side affects of this treatment. I answer most of those questions negatively but with the fear for things in my future.   I have to not go there in my mind, but it's hard.We also discussed the plan, continuing as is as long as it works and side affects are minimal.  He told me of another patient that had 30 of these treatments and then times without any chemo.    That sounds really good to me, now.  I have had 7 so far.      Then he mentioned the next treatment procedure and the OTHER side affects there.   This is truly a  ying and yang path I am on.  

I want to know more about the treatments and what to expect - Part of me does.  There are great advances being made here and new studies everywhere.  I believe I am in very good hands in St. Francis and with John.  So I think I will read a little at a time.  It does cause additional worry.  Right now I am very thankful that I am on this one course and can stay with it.  

AS you can tell, John has been and contiues to be a fabulous companion.  He keeps me so busy,  I hardly have time to think!  We had a very busy weekend visiting old friends, collegues and family.  Next weekend seems he has more time off and we had little planned - so we are going to head to Austin to see David Jr and get some Texas music in our blood!  

Having Cancer has made both of us aware of limitations on what lies ahead - the biggest is TIME.  We all know that - not just those that have "a diagnosis".  But when you get "the diagnosos" the essence of time has more meaning and it has made John and I and those close to us really work on "carpe diem" and not just promises of someday.  I wish that for each of you.

and the Most Recent WORD from the LABYRINTH is  "STILL HERE"!!!


It has been weeks since I have been to the labyrinth.  The clutter and crush of too much to do: travel, tutoring and endless errands swallowed days and weeks in a single gulp.  Spring, which seemed to come so slowly,  now rushes at us headlong, propelled by the bluster of the incessant Santa Fe winds that carry the memory of winter. So, it was wonderful to return to the labyrinth this morning.  I have missed this quiet place and missed bringing each of you with me here.

And there it was,  stretched out before me, whispering “I’m still here!

Still here unbruised and unblemished by the wars of winter.  
Still here with paths washed clean by recent rains.  
Still here waiting for the walking. 

And so I walked, reciting each of your names as I always do, over and over, bringing you closer, over miles and time, and other illusions of separation. Still here in the middle of the miracle of an everyday journey in ordinary time.

And as I was leaving the labyrinth, I looked back and noticed the pattern of sunlight and shadow that I could not see while I was walking.
It formed an almost perfect image of yin and yang: light curving into darkness, the balance of opposites, a parting gift from the labyrinth.

And so, I am Still here
Walking the labyrinth
With you
For you
Still here…...







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