Appropriate Parodox

This is a phrase I learned from a good friend who also is linked to the daffodil history and the hope that it brings.  Appropriate paradox is more about the reflection of the state of yin and yang in our lives.  With this, comes that...  there is a balance.   Let me give you the example that brought this up this morning....

William Anderson is amazing!  OK - he’s my grandson and anyone with a Grand knows what I mean.   When I am going to see him, I get pumped.  When we see each other, he makes me feel alive and important.  He is a big reason to keep going as everyday is gift and a giggle.

The Paradox lies in what keeps me going has, again stopped me.  Yesterday I went to the Dr. with a hacking,l juicy cough and a lot of anxiety.

When she listened to my lungs put fear in my heart with a face of doom.  I have seen that look on her face before.  She said my lungs were full and I should get a scan right away. THEN... my amazing husband asked her to listen again, and then he asked me to cough up whaat I could.  She listened and ... all was clear!   Anxiety averted.  But the Paradox is that this is the second time I have gone to the Doctor with wicked coughs and colds.  As much as I hate to consider this,  I know where the cold came from.  A combination of Nursery school, a perfect grandson with occasional runny noses, and a compromised immune system....  Damn!

Praise Antibiotics as I am again on the mend and will continue enjoying every day.

HAPPY THIRD YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO US.  I has been a beautiful journey and I owe a lot to this wonderful man -to begin with, my life!

Easter Sunday Will, KA, William and John Anderson joined me an Dr. John at church.  I was so tickled.  John Anderson even joined our choir for one hymn.  A very happy Mom.

Considerations

I am doing so well right now, that I can pull off  that I am to sick.  Celebrations!  I know how fortunate I am as I reach out to others at different points along their Journey.  I have two new friends who are suffering very badly and the news does not look good.  I ache for them and can do little but drive, answer the phone, visits,  share stories.  Any suggestions would be helpful as well as ways to deal with the sadness.

My own situation is much better but there are issues.  On the Barge trip we all enjoyed ourselves.  I have been frustrated with my inability to retrieve words and keep my mind on a single chain ofthought.  I also an still woobly and my footing is not as assured.  Every now and then I have to take an extra step or two.  These are things I need to live with and will.  The question is, should I be open about my situation or not.

On the barge trip all these things were going on.  I mentioned to a couple of people a little of the situation but not to the people who were in charge - taking us around.  I really don’t want to sound like whining - just getting info across.  No need for special treatment.  At the end of trip, our guide asked us if we would book another.  I hastily said “yes” but then mentioned we can’t book anything too far in advance - we are back to the three month window.  They often book up a year ahead.  I asked if he’d keep us informed!ds

He thought for a few minutes and realized the truth of what I was saying.  He apologized for keeping totally oblivious to my situation,  and then said after a pause,  but there were signs.

Thinking back over the tours and walks we took, even time on the boat... it would be quite plausible for him the think I was drunk!   He was relieved to hear the whole story.

So the conundrum is - I wish to be taken by new people as a normal person they may know for ten more years if we so choose.

I don’t seek sympathy or advice regarding my illness,  I am in the hands of some great doctors. I will list if there is something they are moved to talk about.

I want to be free to mention where I am when it is pretinent to the conversation. But only to present the paradigm changes brought on by the cancer.

Not everyone needs to know - nor do they need to judge what they don’t know....  true for us all in many situations.

My disease is a true part of who I am today.  I have a great appreciation for each moment, each friend, each adventure I am lucky enough to enjoy.  I want to go through this with authenticity and honesty but not burden friends.

Any thoughts?  Your input is always helpful!  Thanks for reading my ramblings.

Celebrating another SPRING

As we approach our third year anniversary of our marriage,  i become ever so grateful for these wonderful years and my continued good health (relatively speaking).   

The symbolism of Daffodils as a hope for the future led us to seek Spring Flowers in Holland as i hadn't planted to usual several hundred I did the two previous Falls.  The house was surrounded by painters. I was feeling pretty poorly, not thinking straight, due to the brain radiation.  I totally missed the opportunity until the ground had frozen.  

In February, sensing I would be able to make the trip,  John and I scheduled a Barge Trip to Holland at the height of the Keukenoff bulb season.  We were entertained with a huge variety of Tulips, Daffodils Hyachinths, Orchids and Colors! The theme of the season was . "Flower Power".  How beautifully appropriate.

  

We found daffodils

Hyacinths found us

La Nouvelle Etoile -

We traveled for 6 days with two couples from Australia and one from New York.  Lots of laughs and terrific fun.  Would do it again in a heart beat. 

Granpa John reading to William.
William decided to name his  "FaFa".  He had recently dubbed me "GaGa".  The symetry is so simple and appropriate.

I finished my Live Strong Program at the Springfield Y - although the changes weren't so drastic as I had hoped,  I did feel a lot better - which is more important than numbers.  I continued a lot of walking on our trip and need to keep it up.  If you happen to be in the area and would like to go for a walk,  call me and motivate me!  Forest Park right around the corner is a great place to walk, especially not that Spring is on it's way.