I have always had most of my family with me at Christmas and wasn't accepting that they are grown., with their own destinations. No more Santa Clause. I finally gave up on being with them, or controling them to be with me, and focused on other significant blessings of my life, namely the DeWeese family. I retreated with John to the Thomas DeWeese's where children, puppies and amazing food made it feel right.
Then.... there is always the "then" I went back to trying to patch a patch, right a wrong, make up for passed mistakes, try to make a Christmas. That didnt work. Things got worse and started involving more family members. My famiy was imploding - or exploding. Bits were angry all over the country. The more tried, the weaker I got. Finally, I had to retreat and was caught up by Dr. John. I walked at that crooked stance old people get when their back gives over to one side. Mine has been doing that. it only gets worse. I was developing achey knots in my muscles- couldn't reach the ground to pick anything up...the the headache started... Until December 31 My right ear drum ruptured ... it started spewing liquid (pink), that didn't stop for 4 days.
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| Beethoven 1968 |
I hate to say this, but I have enjoyed this time of "quiet", It is getting lonely but John is good company. Don't have to answer the phone, no reason. Don't need to entertain (although John can handle a whole table in conversation which is good to know!) . No deadlines when people are waiting to talk to me - it's relaxing.
The new year is begining on a quiet note and i like that, The gearing up for holidays is for many at different times of our lives. I may say I am very happy with my life today, at the MOMENT, This silence takes a lot of the ADHD nerves away!
1 comment:
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