Time to re-assess

Almost Two weeks without a  Doctor visit!  Grateful for simple things!

Will and KA - last Fall trip to the lake

Mary Jane and Andrew - John's Niece and Husband

Life sure has changed as the focus becomes on survival.  Three Chemo’s done and now its time for an assessment of sorts.  Friday I go in for a PET Scan – to discern what changes might have taken place since first diagnosed.    Three months have passed.  The prognosis   in September was one to two years.  Funny,  that made me hopeful and very happy since I was thinking 3 to 5 weeks at this point.  I think I need to get a much more positive attitude! This was after they did tests on my cancer cells at St Francis to see if I might qualify for any of the three new drugs used on certain types of Lung Cancer.  I didn’t – so the standard regime was started.

I also went to Dana Farber – everyone I talked to on the east coast said I needed  to do that.   They are testing other drugs for certain forms of lung cancer and there is a small chance I might qualify.  They sent to St. Francis to get some of my “cells” to run more tests.  Unfortunately,  there weren’t enough cells available and I will need to have a biopsy to give them more.  Meanwhile, they recommended to continue the first round of chemo and see how it is working.  And that’s where we are today.

I still feel just fine – still have no symptoms that would make me know I have this cancer growing.  I obviously dread  the day I do feel  that.  I must live in the moment and not think about that.   That is not so easy to do – but I will continue to try.  I am finding that the Holidays are bringing on more anxieties and sadness.  Words keep coming into my mind like an evil devil who wants to bring me down.  “stage four lung cancer”  was the first  phrase I had difficulty with – couldn’t say it – hard enough to string the words together in my mind.  Now the word  “last” has infested my thought and totally turns me to tears.  Don’t go there Jan!! 

David Jr arrived this afternoon for Thanksgiving.  Tyler comes Monday.  Johnny can’t make it but will be here for two weeks over Christmas.  I will try to put on a happy face and make it a season to remember with positivity.  I think I know one key to it – focus on being kind and what might make the other people happy.    I know that will go a long way for me.  But another thing I am learning is that I need to ask for things that will make ME happy. Do the things that make me feel  connected – my instinct is to hide under a rock and talk to NO ONE!  I know this is wrong and unhealthy – but it’s there.

I also need to do things for my health – I need to walk more.  John and I did a lot of that in the city two weekends and it felt great.  I also went to a Yoga class yesterday – to help me keep those lungs open and breath deep.  I was really pleased to find a very warm, nurturing atmosphere. 

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving surrounded by love of friends and family.  I will update you as I can.  I do appreciate your interest and concern.

Last weekend we took a ride up to Rockport and Gloucester, MA