Happy New Year to all

Today I met with my oncologist in Hartford to review and set the course for then next months... maybe year.... maybe more.  After verifying my progress with the current round of chemo - a combination of carboplatin (Paraplatin) and paclitaxel (Taxol).(in case you understand this), Dr Rathmann felt that the five rounds had done the job he had hoped for and more.  It is time to go on the maintenance part of this Chemo program which means I will have only ONE of the drugs every three weeks,  therefore having much less discomfort and more ability to enjoy my days.  This maintenance program can last  - no one knows and there are cases of more than a year.  What will be will be - because it has to be.  BUT,  when the maintenance stops maintaining - then we will go to plan B which involves the ROS 1 gene mentioned previously.  Therefore - a happy new year as I celebrate finishing with the double dose of chemo and hopefully moving on to less symptomatic forms of keeping this cancer at bay.


Before August 31st I would never have imagined that this would make for a "happy new year" - but there you have it - perspectives can change in a flash. There is so much to be thankful for.  It has been a year for the records in my life - maybe even just a half year.  I have had incredible highs and lows.  Even as the good news continues - there is always the reality that the percentage of success with any of these things is a percentage.  I  want to believe I am on the right side of that percentage,  but we can all do the math.  I have many nights I cry myself to sleep.  Days I just don't want to talk to anyone.  Times I want to crawl under a rock and make it all go away.  BUT they are not the majority of my time spent.

The first month I wondered if I would ever have a moment that I didn't think about this awful thing growing inside of me.  This invasion of my body.  But I DO have those moments.   I cannot deny what is going on and how if affects almost everything I do,  but it doesn't stop me in my tracks anymore.  It makes me appreciate each step for it's simplicity and beauty.

I truly appreciate hearing from friends that are taking the time to keep up with the saga.  It has helped me so much with each day.  Some have difficulty knowing what to say,  and I totally understand that. Here's the bottom line,  at least for now,  Don't treat me any differently than you did - don't hide from it or me.  I am stronger than I was and getting stronger daily.  I may have a macabre sense of humor sometimes about it - it's part of my own coping.  It will come up in conversation and then go away.   If I am in a state of mind that I feel vulnerable,  we most probably will not be talking!  In those cases,  please excuse me and give me time and space.  These too are becoming fewer and fewer.

So as we all face the new year with new hopes and dreams,  I too am thinking of the future,  seeing daffodils in the Fall -  sailing the sunfish in the summer at Raquette lake,  connecting with friends across the country when the opportunity arises,  and sending love to each of you who are my strengths both near and far.

Happy 2016.

New Years Eve Lobster Feast

enjoying the feast

anticipating thedropping of the ball in NYC