Friday, February 19, 2016

Suzan's labyrinth


Since the beginning of MY journey with this disease, I have had the support of many friends.  All your cards, notes, emails, calls, and even viits have been most encouraging!   

I am singled out one particular support story because I think you will like it.  SUSIE ZEDER is a writer,  by profession but also by an amazing gift.   She was obviously gifted in High School and the gift has been nurtured, grown, shared, and inspired many.   When shel learned I had Cancer, she had 5 other friends as well.   She committed to walking her labyrinth,  invoking our names,  and seeking a WORD of inspiration, strength, or just what we might need to know.   More people have been added, and fortunately theatres have continued.   I will give you a sampling.  

Here is her first word from the labyrinth


Dearest Legion of Ladies!

I did not get to the labyrinth yesterday because we were supposed to go to my sister’s for Turkey day and at the very last minute her oven went kaput  and everything had to be moved here.  So it was a culinary ballet of flying pots and pans and sauces splashing, culminating with my browning the marshmallows on top of the yams with a blow torch because there wasn’t a free spot in the oven. But we all survived, except the turkey who was a nobel bird raised by local turkey farmer dedicated to providing his free ranging turkeys with the highest possible quality of life before T’day. His motto is “All Turkeys die, but not many of them truly live!.”  I like the “truly live part” and I think it a great way to start my words to you from the labyrinth in the spirit of the mantra of “truly living.”

So I went the the labyrinth this morning, a blustery, chilly morning with snow flurries racing about and a wind chill that sliced through the open air like a paper cut! I stood there overlooking the mountains that seemed a chilly blue themselves, even the sky seemed cold. I evoked each of your names and dedicated the walk to you and asked for a word. It came about 3/4 of the way through my trek, on the homeward lap… Perseverance!  Now it may have been the weather, but one simply can’t deny a word from the labyrinth!  

In walking the labyrinth,perseverance is putting one foot in front of the other and trusting that the path will take you out…or in, depending on where you are in your journey.  On the way in it takes you to the center, but the path is never a straight one, it loops and turns back on itself, and just when you think you are getting to the heart of the labyrinth, it swings you outward again, but eventually you get there. The same is true with the path on the way out, you never think it is going to be over and then it is…. so whether you are on your way in or on your way out of the labyrinth, all you really have is just that one step, and then the next, and then the next!

So I am sending each of you love and healing thoughts, whether you are on the way in or on the way out of this part of your journey. Each step holds a different experience, each step is hard  and each step is precious because it lead to the next one and the next… I hope your steps today are peaceful and filled with the abundance of Thanksgiving.  I give thanks every day that each of you are in my life!

Suzan






This next word really got to my as my instinct to run away was strong.    I hope you enjoy it as much as I did... I cry when I read it out loud!!!


Dearest Legion!

It was 19 degrees when I walked this morning, ground frozen with a slight sheen of ice crystals and my breath a cloud of silver. Zack accompanied me, but knew not to enter the labyrinth….no dogs allowed inside, so he hunkered down at the entrance, but did not lie down paw over paw feigning disinterest as he usually does.  I was soon to discover why. He sat bolt upright, alert, ears pricked…

So I started walking as the sun spread a buttery glow over the rocks bringing them to life one by one. A few words flitted through my mind, as quick as the sparrows peppering the bird feeders.   The first word was ”breath", no doubt inspired by the frozen puffs from my nostrils. Another word, “wholeness", which came to jim on his walk, but that was his word for you, not mine. Finally when I got to the very center of the labyrinth, where words usually wait for me to catch up to them, I heard it. A sharp piercing sound followed by a cacophony of yips, yaps and yelps, somewhere between terror and ecstasy, shattering the silence, tearing through the air: A choir of coyotes in full throated pursuit of their breakfast, lots of them, much too close, many too many, seemingly circling us in the arroyo  below us just out of sight!  Their cries were ragged with wildness!

Zack lurched in their direction, about to bolt.  “STAY!” I barked.  I made eye contact and held it. He sat back down, every muscle quivering. The chorus continued, circling and circling. I resisted the impulse to leap out of the labyrinth, grab Zack by the scruff of the neck and escape down the path back to the house.  Instead I stayed put, holding eye contact, saying over and over again… in my calmest voice, “Stay, stay, stay” …and stay he did.  Only the strength of my tone and the leash of my voice held him in the place where he was safe.  Every animal cell in his body called him to race in the direction of the wildness , chasing,  or following, or blindly heading into the trap of the pack.  Slowly I backed out the the labyrinth, following the circuitous route in reverse, keeping eye contact, saying over and over….”Stay, stay, stay, stay!  In a suspended moment of the triumph of domestication over instinct,  he stayed put until I reached him and patted his head.  The spell was broken and we walked quietly together  to the house without looking back, just as Jim was headed out the back door to see if we had lost our minds.  The coyotes continued wailing in vain, their power broken, their cries now hollow.

So, the word for today is Stay.

STAY, when the wildness of fear is everywhere in the air.  Stay, when despair and danger beckons.  Stay, when instinct bids you to fly into the very place that can do you the most damage.  

My wish for each of you today is tostay in that safe place within you, a place so deep that the wildness cannot touch you.

Be well!

Suzan 



Please know all your support sustains me the rough this fight and journey

Jan

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