Happy Thanksgiving - I am Thankful

It's a happy thanksgiving for me re the cancer. The PET scan was very encouraging as the cancer seems to have regressed in some areas. The Chemo is doing what it is supposed to do and doing it very well. I met with a member of the team today and she was most encouraging!!! Good news like that goes a long way to keeping MY spirits up.

To celebrate, I have planted about 300 daffodils in the yard - around the house and under the new baby Elm tree on the front lawn. OK - it may be a little late in the season, but we haven't had a frost or the ground freeze - it's balmy today - and this is the time I have wanted to plant them! We will see! If they do come up the will look terrific around the yellow (and other) colored house I now call home.

 We are having a a great crowd for Turkey tomorrow - 20! Yours, Mine, and the neighbors!!! It should be fun and lots of hands are pitching in. I need to do the tables and seating. I have gathered things from the Anderson's table to blend in with the DeWeese family. This is the meaning of blending on a new level!! 

 People start arriving today with John's son, daughter-in-law and the two grand kids! Davey and Tyler are already in town but staying with Will and KA. Last Thanksgiving the feast was fabulous and family fun - I feel much closer to the DeWeese's and know this one will bring it's own joys and stories.

I wish you a Happy  Thanksgiving shared with friends, family, a turkey or two, and lots of hugs.

Time to re-assess

Almost Two weeks without a  Doctor visit!  Grateful for simple things!

Will and KA - last Fall trip to the lake

Mary Jane and Andrew - John's Niece and Husband

Life sure has changed as the focus becomes on survival.  Three Chemo’s done and now its time for an assessment of sorts.  Friday I go in for a PET Scan – to discern what changes might have taken place since first diagnosed.    Three months have passed.  The prognosis   in September was one to two years.  Funny,  that made me hopeful and very happy since I was thinking 3 to 5 weeks at this point.  I think I need to get a much more positive attitude! This was after they did tests on my cancer cells at St Francis to see if I might qualify for any of the three new drugs used on certain types of Lung Cancer.  I didn’t – so the standard regime was started.

I also went to Dana Farber – everyone I talked to on the east coast said I needed  to do that.   They are testing other drugs for certain forms of lung cancer and there is a small chance I might qualify.  They sent to St. Francis to get some of my “cells” to run more tests.  Unfortunately,  there weren’t enough cells available and I will need to have a biopsy to give them more.  Meanwhile, they recommended to continue the first round of chemo and see how it is working.  And that’s where we are today.

I still feel just fine – still have no symptoms that would make me know I have this cancer growing.  I obviously dread  the day I do feel  that.  I must live in the moment and not think about that.   That is not so easy to do – but I will continue to try.  I am finding that the Holidays are bringing on more anxieties and sadness.  Words keep coming into my mind like an evil devil who wants to bring me down.  “stage four lung cancer”  was the first  phrase I had difficulty with – couldn’t say it – hard enough to string the words together in my mind.  Now the word  “last” has infested my thought and totally turns me to tears.  Don’t go there Jan!! 

David Jr arrived this afternoon for Thanksgiving.  Tyler comes Monday.  Johnny can’t make it but will be here for two weeks over Christmas.  I will try to put on a happy face and make it a season to remember with positivity.  I think I know one key to it – focus on being kind and what might make the other people happy.    I know that will go a long way for me.  But another thing I am learning is that I need to ask for things that will make ME happy. Do the things that make me feel  connected – my instinct is to hide under a rock and talk to NO ONE!  I know this is wrong and unhealthy – but it’s there.

I also need to do things for my health – I need to walk more.  John and I did a lot of that in the city two weekends and it felt great.  I also went to a Yoga class yesterday – to help me keep those lungs open and breath deep.  I was really pleased to find a very warm, nurturing atmosphere. 

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving surrounded by love of friends and family.  I will update you as I can.  I do appreciate your interest and concern.

Last weekend we took a ride up to Rockport and Gloucester, MA 

A Family Affair

The kindness and encouragement that I have received from you readers has been strengthening... and Weakening!  Emotions are raw - especially in the days following chemo.  This is a difficult journey.  I hope by sharing, I will also gain some clarity and vision.

I do NOT feel particularly "brave" or courageous walking this walk.  It is what I need to do.  It's the path in front of me that can't be denied.  I am not alone.  By bringing you with me,  I am sharing the burden!

Many of you have mentioned the importance of family and friends and hoping that the boys are offering support.  They ARE!  I only started with the my diagnosis and John DeWeese's phenomenal support to set the bigger stage of what is  going on here!

Before MY diagnosis the boys had to muster up major courage and face another tough piece of reality.   We all became closer, more open and vulnerable, and much more appreciative of each other five weeks before My diagnosis...  because there is more of this story that must be told - more that makes it seem like one huge nightmare!

But first - a picture of happier times - of the team!

The family at Will and Katharine Ann's wedding May 2014
John, Tyler, K.A and Will, Me, David Sr and David Jr.

On Monday, June 20th I called David - the DAD - to see how he was doing. He had been feeling poorly for awhile and was not getting any answers for his increased fatigue and back pain.  He told me he had to go to the emergency room right away because something had shown up on his blood test.  After establishing that he should NOT be driving himself,  I picked him up and we proceeded to St. Francis Hospital in Hartford.  After a full day in the ER, many tests, Xrays and Doctors,  David was diagnosed with Multiple Myloma, Kidney failure and oxygen issues.  He was in very poor shape with little strength.

The next two weeks were as blur as I spent most of my time at the hospital.  Will, K.A., and Janet - Dave's sister were there as well. It was hard to stabilize him with all the variable out of wack.  He was in and out of intensive care, consciousness , and (we felt) life.  After the first week he became delirious and seemed to be going down hill too fast.  I called the boys home and they all arrived within 24 hours - petrified and knowing not what to expect.  After a couple more days of delirium Dave started coming around, recognizing that all had gathered.  With the panic in his eyes, and the encouragement that "the Team" had gathered to help him fight the fight,  he slowly started coming around.  I believe their being there gave him strength and courage to keep up the fight.

John and Tyler staid a week,  Davey two.  Great that they could take the time off from their responsibilities.  David Sr moved from floor to floor in the hospital for the next month - ER, heart, Cancer, Kidney... whatever was the issue of the time, and there were many.  After a month he went to a rehab facility to gain strength - but got pneumonia and was back at St Francis by the end of August.  More of this incident later - let's focus on Dave here.

Dave is receiving Dialysis three times a week and Chemo once a week.  As of two weeks ago he was liberated from hospitals and Rehab facilities.  Although he can not take care of himself yet,  he is happy to be living with his sister who is taking great care of him.  He is getting stronger every day eating real food and breathing fresh air!

This IS a family affair.  Having four boys home and tensions running high with fears of death, loss, unknown,  we were all held together with our love  for each other and great concern.  We all spent time every day in the hospital sitting with David, talking to Doctors, trying to make some sense of what we were experiencing.

During the first two weeks i would occasionally get a text from John D. telling me that he was in the lobby of the hospital... just in case I needed him!  OMG.  Amazing support.  And I did need him.  We all needed him.  He helped us all understand some of the medical information we were getting as well as keep us calm and focused.  He asked pertinent questions that we wouldn't have know to ask.  We were each very grateful to have his input.

But there is MORE.  During these first five weeks - and especially during the times the boys from out of town were around,  John FED them - either at a restaurant near the hospital or (more frequently) he cooked dinner at his house!  Every evening we would gather around a meal and recap the day, talk about our feeling and reactions and ask more questions - while getting the needed sustenance to face the next challenge.   BTW - did I mention that John is a fabulous cook?

During this whole time,  I am unknowing that there is a wicked demon of similar ilk lurking in MY body,  yet to be discovered.

Sadness and Gladness

Sadness and Gladness

Thank you all for taking the time to read up on my situation.  I regret the sadness that it has conveyed - but there is no getting around the fact that it is both sad and scary.

Now let me tell you a bit of the happiness and good fortune that my life contains in the midst of all this terror.  As I mentioned before,  I am living with a wonderful man who I have known for a couple of years.  He is a widower, yes he has been through this before and not that long ago.  Last June we went to Alaska and decided to get married,  maybe sometime in the Fall.   When I was first diagnosed,  I felt that everything had changed.  It had, but then again it hadn't.  His steadfastness was and is a true blessing.  He is right by my side and we are proceeding with living life the best we can while we can.

Right now,  I do not feel sick - tomorrow I will from the chemo - but otherwise I feel quite well.  John and I just had a great weekend in NYC seeing Rigoletto at the Metropolitan Opera and eating our way across the city.  My appetite is still good and I have gained some weight.  We walked a lot which is very good for me.  I do not look sick or act it and plan to keep that up as long as I can.

pictures to let you know I mostly do not feel, look or act sick  - carpe diem

John is a great cook, a fabulous support, a very intelligent person and I am very lucky to have him in my life.  We have both found surprising happiness and comfort in each other. I could write much more, and will, about what a wonderful man he is,  but introductions today.

John is an orthopedic surgeon working with the Shriner's hospital in Springfield MA in his retirement!    His family has been more than welcoming to me and my boys have taken a great liking to him.  More on that in another Blog,  but I don't want to overwhelm you with too much at one point.

My mailing address is 173 Longmeadow Street,  Longmeadow, Ma  01106 and cell is still 860-214-5151.  Email is janbabsonanderson@gmail.

we both could fit in the glider!!

I am not taking pictures like I used to.... but I will include some where I can,  I still very much believe in the importance as I did in my Creative Memories days.

Here are two pictures of us when John took me gliding in Bar Harbor in October.  It was truly gorgeous, and quiet.  I have to pinch myself when I realize that I have a mini private make a wish foundation in this man.  He is helping me forget that I have the cancer and focus on living in the moment.  A true blessing.

Meanwhile,  with Will and KA living so close by and in a one bedroom apparatment,  they are going to move into my house in Suffield.  Hopefully this will work out for them at least in the near term.  giving them more space and me the ease of not having to do much else with it except clear out whaat I can.  After 10 years it is a big change for me and I will miss having my own space.  But to see them happy there and know I am well cared for an not alone is just what I need right now.  Occassionally I think of how that would feel right now,  and there is no question I am a lucky girl,  even in this.

I hope this takes a little of the sting of sadness that I sent you the other day.  It's a roller coaster here and I am trying to focus on the positive.  Short term planning, being as genuine as I can and making every moment a bit more meaningful.  I have enjoyed hearing from you.  It brightens my day.  Keep your thoughts and prayers coming my way.  The support sustains me.

Summer 2015

It's been a horrendous summer for me. It started out very well with an amazing cruise in Alaska!  I'll get back to that at a later point, but now I need to tell you of my new "journey" that was assigned August 31st.

After suffering ten days of increased difficulty breathing, I left the beautiful Adirondacks to get the breathing back in order.  Unfortunately,   It wasn't asthma.   I was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer.  My left lung cavity had filled with liquid, leaving that lung useless and all my innards cattywanpus!   A week in the hospital, a little surgery and X-rays....I was finally permitted to leave... With an oxygen tank.  John DeWeese brought me to his house in Longmeadoe, MA where I have been and will be.

I am having treatment at St Francis hospital in Hartford.  Why I choose that hospital will be revealed in another post, for now I want to focus on my immediate story.  I have also gone to Dana Farber.  My cancer cells were tested to see if I qualified for any of the new approved drugs.  I did not. We hoped there would be more material to test for eligibility with new drugs being tested.  There was not, so those tests are being postponed until we see how the standard chemo is working.  Meanwhile, Friday Nov 6th I have my third chemo treatment. Later in the month I will have a PETSCAN.

The chemo knocks me out three days later and then decreasing for the next two.  I have the rest of the three week period pretty normal....now.

David and Tyler taking some time at Raquette Lake

The boys have all come to visit. Having Will and Katharine Ann here has been such a blessing.  I am stable now and dealing with insurance and other legal issues.  Friends have come by from "away" as they say in Maine,  I can get around myself.  John and I have been back to the Adirondacks twice, to Maine, and are headed to the Met for Rigoletto and a night in the city.   I have not been still.

I am writing this to get some facts out there. You may already know this or not.  It is very difficult to talk about from the beginning but I am getting much better at not dwelling on it but continuing to live as normally as I can.  We all never know when the time will be up, I have an indication but don't know for sure.

Let's continue living and make every day more meaningful. Carpe diem!

I plan to write more on this sage to keep those of you interested informed.
This blog is for those dear to me.   That's why I sent you. The address.  If you know of someone I might have missed, you may share it.  But be discerning, there likely will bei some very personal stories here. It's not for Facebook, ok.?

fabulous fall colors at Raquette Lake

Sunfish added to the toys at the lake enjoyed by many a cousin and family - and ME!

Me and John overlooking Columbus circle and Central Park after an evening at the Met!