One month later

It's been awhile since I last wrote - but it seems like nanoseconds.   Time is flying by and I count it in many ways.  Every three weeks - chemo - now on number 14 next Friday... Pet scan every 9 weeks - had one Monday... and now married for two months!   Things continue to go phenomenally well.   We have been busy with little time to fret over things that I can't control.  Now I await the reading of the PET scan.

Meanwhile, I will give you brief glimpse at how John and I are keeping busy and having a great time.  Memorial Day weekend we flew to Austin to spend time with David Jr. And share with John some of the "things I like about Texas."   We did Luckenbach, Wimberly, Fredericksberg..... Saw Chris Gage and his wife Christina Albert perform... Caught up with dear friends Sheryl Johnson and LAURIE Shields,   And avoided the flooding!   A whirlwind of a weekend spontaneously planned.

Above we ere at the Steiner Ranch about to enjoy some great steaks!

Other busy-ness included a paint night with Will and KA.

Hatheway house garden party with great food and music!

Thanks to my family, friends and John(redundunt but worth singleing out),  I am kept busy and learning.  I am planning to attend a creative writing course with my High School friend and her husband teaching in Maryland this weekend.  Why, you may ask, is someone who majored in Mathematics with graduate degrees going to a creative writing class- because no matter what else happens I know I will be entertained, gain a different paradigm on a number of things, and leave with some life enhancing nuggets of words from Suzan, and probably Jim.  I am looking forward to it and fearing being so far out of my comfort zone.

AND finally, I have spent the last three days exceptionally concerned about the results of the Monday PET scan - the demarkation of another 9 weeks having passed, another 9 weeks into the regiment with a limitted time affectiveness.  Wondering, and fearing the results...  They came in this morning, Thursday.  First thing I checked  when I awoke -  and  they look GOOD.  Tomorrow I talk with the Doctor, and find out for sure,  but many of you are also curious and I am pretty confident that I will stay the course for another nine weeks!

Although I do not think about the "diagnosis" - that is the Cancer growing in my body (more difficult to say) all the time as I had feared last Fall,  when I do think about it, it truly envelopes my whole thought process with anxiety and stress..   I get testy and can say harsh words to those around me, those who have given me great support.  I wish it were not true.  I ask for some patience and forgiveness.  You know who you are!!

If you have taken the time to read this and are not someone I have talked to in the last 9 weeks - drop me a note and let me know how YOU are doing.  I care about YOU and would love to hear back.

Enjoy- and thanks for being concerned.

Carpe Diem

Jan

Mixed messages

First - a report on thee DAFFODILS

 The daffodils were all out in full bloom around the house.... Successful conclusion of my efforts in the Fall.

And a report on the HONEYMOON

A marvelous trip to Southern France barging near Toulouse! Simply marvelous. Four guests and four in staff... A very personal trip. Thank you Dale and Doug Bruce for letting us know about this opportunity! That was the week of April 30th to May 8th.  Aboard the Rosa with Captain/owner cook Dominique backed up by Elissa, Adele, and Pierre.



We were two of four passengers (usually there are 8 but it was early in the season).

These guys took amazing care of us.    Adele, Elissa, Dominique and Pierre.

Every day we had a short tour of something in the morning to return to the barge for lunch on deck...cruising, and then a gourmet dinner!   Wine pairing and amazing food. 

Many locks to pass through and an aqua passage - bridge over another river!   

Canal was lined with Plane trees.  

A little bit of heaven during thin the south of France.

We returned home and I had another week of feeling well before another chemo session.   I feel so great before the treatments.... I start to dread the next chemo....however...it is keeping me here!   I'll keep at it.

And then the MIXED MESSAGES

Last Friday I had a good visit with my doctor.. He, as always, asked me about many possible side affects of this treatment. I answer most of those questions negatively but with the fear for things in my future.   I have to not go there in my mind, but it's hard.We also discussed the plan, continuing as is as long as it works and side affects are minimal.  He told me of another patient that had 30 of these treatments and then times without any chemo.    That sounds really good to me, now.  I have had 7 so far.      Then he mentioned the next treatment procedure and the OTHER side affects there.   This is truly a  ying and yang path I am on.  

I want to know more about the treatments and what to expect - Part of me does.  There are great advances being made here and new studies everywhere.  I believe I am in very good hands in St. Francis and with John.  So I think I will read a little at a time.  It does cause additional worry.  Right now I am very thankful that I am on this one course and can stay with it.  

AS you can tell, John has been and contiues to be a fabulous companion.  He keeps me so busy,  I hardly have time to think!  We had a very busy weekend visiting old friends, collegues and family.  Next weekend seems he has more time off and we had little planned - so we are going to head to Austin to see David Jr and get some Texas music in our blood!  

Having Cancer has made both of us aware of limitations on what lies ahead - the biggest is TIME.  We all know that - not just those that have "a diagnosis".  But when you get "the diagnosos" the essence of time has more meaning and it has made John and I and those close to us really work on "carpe diem" and not just promises of someday.  I wish that for each of you.

and the Most Recent WORD from the LABYRINTH is  "STILL HERE"!!!

It has been weeks since I have been to the labyrinth.  The clutter and crush of too much to do: travel, tutoring and endless errands swallowed days and weeks in a single gulp.  Spring, which seemed to come so slowly,  now rushes at us headlong, propelled by the bluster of the incessant Santa Fe winds that carry the memory of winter. So, it was wonderful to return to the labyrinth this morning.  I have missed this quiet place and missed bringing each of you with me here.

And there it was,  stretched out before me, whispering “I’m still here!”

Still here unbruised and unblemished by the wars of winter.  

Still here with paths washed clean by recent rains.  

Still here waiting for the walking. 

And so I walked, reciting each of your names as I always do, over and over, bringing you closer, over miles and time, and other illusions of separation. Still here in the middle of the miracle of an everyday journey in ordinary time.

And as I was leaving the labyrinth, I looked back and noticed the pattern of sunlight and shadow that I could not see while I was walking.

It formed an almost perfect image of yin and yang: light curving into darkness, the balance of opposites, a parting gift from the labyrinth.

And so, I am Still here

Walking the labyrinth

With you

For you

Still here…...

Let the fun begin.

Am l a Lucky girl? Or what....

From Hartford to Toulouse to Rosa....we commence our "barge" trip.   Although the barge is able to take 8 people.... There are only 4 of us,

Here we are on the ROSA welcomed with a champagne.   And so it begins.... 

Unbelievable dinner with... My favorite... Wine pairing... 

More to come but right now I am too busy watching locks and digesting lunch.   

Celebrate!! April 23rd more happiness in my life!

John and I had been planning on this before the "'diagnosis" - but it met with some snags along the way....  questions of timing and implementation which finally lost out to the need to act normal,  try to lead as normal as possible an existance,  not the the cancer rule our lives... and a tremendous desire to make US official and to celebrate.

So we Got MARRIED! Saturday the 23rd of April in Suffield, CT at the Second Baptist church.  A very small affair - just our immediate families - 13 in all.  Short and sweet ceremony with personalized vows. Then a ride back to the house for a dinner John insisted on cooking to celebrate!  Friends helped with flowers, dress selection, gaity and celebration.  Family all make it even David Jr who left Austin at 6 that morning.

I feel so beautifully blessed and still amazed that I John is in my life.

Here are a few pictures of the event.... speaks more than words right now!

Love to all and thanks for your interest.

I now face a few days of chemo recovery and then we are off for a week of honeymooning!

Another PET scan

 Last Friday was another PET scan!  It was supposed to be Monday but, like many others around here, I had a horrible cough and cold/flu.   I couldn't be still for 15 minutes..  The good news is that my reaction to chemo wasn't so bad-or didn't appear so since I felt so bad from the flu!

. So we rescheduled the scan to Friday..  I didn't sleep well.  On the way to the hospital we had a flat tire!!! John suggested I call the hospital.... I called UBER!!!!  I didn't have to reschedule.  John got new tires while I fell asleep during the scan!    Word back from the scan.... All is still working with chemo and we will continue!

Daffodil update!  A spring has sprung and it't glorious!  First batch is up.

Happy little faces follow the sun!  This is one batch, those surrounding the house are a bit later!   I am hoping they will all be flowering by the 23rd!

I am putting this and the previous post up late because..... I need to get this info out to keep you up to date... Because more news is coming of a different sort... Happiness... I needed to clear the info of medical stuff.

So great that Spring is here... New life everywhere! 

10th Chemo. Written April 2nd

One more treatment yesterday.... Had to come home from California and a wonderful trip visiting both John's family and some of my friends.  An India Indian wedding provided great entertain and an education!  

Here's a picture of the Deweese contingent- John's two sisters and their husbands, a nephew and wife with new baby and a cousin of John's with her husband...the father of the bride!  Beautiful series of venues, beautiful sari's and dancing... And lots of people.

Then a trip to Santa Rosa, Leigh and Greg Furda and some vineyards followed.

Here we are at vineyard on our way to see Leigh and Greg.  

A visit to Oakland with ELLEN and Bob ANSEL followed by a dinner with Ting - another of John's "adopted" daughters.

 It was a great trip which kept me from thinking too much about the Cancer.  Unfortunately, not completely as I realized more that walking up altitudes left me short of breath.  I really need to exercise more!!  Also swollen feet became a new symptom to be dealt with!  

At the Doctor visit for the Chemo I mentioned the swollen feet which led to the need for ultrasound to check for blood clots... Fortunately nothing found!

So we are off to New York for the last opera of the season!   Make these cancer thoughts go away!  

I am at the juncture for another PET scan in the next couple of weeks!  Keep me in your prayers.

Late blog and Early Spring

I have been quiet on the blog because everything is going according to schedule and there is, happily, little to report.   The three week cycle from chemo to chemo is pretty predictable now.  Nausea,sleepiness, gassiness, itching, difficulty sleeping, .... all take their toll during the three weeks.  A very strange side effect is that my palms, beneath the baby finger, goes through something like 5 days of itching!   No rash, nothing visible, just feels really good to scratch it!  I must ask the doctor!  Fortunately I have more than two weeks of feeling pretty good.  

Appetite change has also been significant.  The metal taste in my mouth, along with "fuzzy feeling" teeth make foods taste quite different and the appeal is not consistent with what I used to like - or like when I don't have the metal taste.  I still have a very good appetite and have gained 10 pounds since this started.  We must attribute that to John's cooking!  He keeps me well nourished.

John and I were not able to get to the lake house this winter because there wasn't enough snow for the snowmobile!  We were both disappointed, as was his son John who was going to join us.  The colors are so beautiful in the winter and everything is amazingly quiet.    We are hoping to get there early spring before the blackflies come. When I left for the last time last October, I was doubtful I would return.... But life goes on.   I think I'll celebrate!

  In the meantime we've been to Maine, New York City, Coronado CA., Vermont, and Naples, Florida.  We are headed to California for a wedding and more travel is imminent!  I know I am a very lucky girl - in an unlucky situation.   Got to stay positive!

Remember the daffodils I planted last Fall?  Some are more advanced than others.  It's  A little early for the daffodils to be this large.   Crazy winter in New England as far as weather goes.  Other daffodils I planted are not quite so mature.   Hopefully will have some time for the pretty yellow flowers around the yellow house!

I do apologize if my silence in the blog has caused any of more concern about me - know that I am still doing very well health wise and life wise.  Stay in contact even if I may go quiet.   I will try to be more consistent - every two weeks?   We will see.

Love to all.  Enjoy the Spring- you know I will be!  Rebirth and hope.